The New York Rule

"Not fair! Everyone has to know morse code in the universe, and in the world, and on Jupiter, and on booboo-head, and on booboo-head planet…"

"So is there a rule in New York that you have to hold your belly button up to the lantern every night, and you have to stick your tongue out for greetings at the window every day? Can you e-mail this to the government please? What if you had to stick your butt out at the window so people can laugh at your butt every day, while drinking tea?"

The Archered Wall of Harmony

Hattie asked me why I laughed. I said it was because of something on Facebook that is too hard to explain and won't be funny to her. She asked me to explain it anyway so I did.
She said "That's not funny. You know what is?
Butt remover."

When a big rubber ball rolled toward some people on exercise machines:

"Oh no, double trouble!
The ball will hit the people and they'll go flying!

…and then they won't get enough exercise."

Also she wants to write a story called "Palony princess and the Archered Wall of Harmony" which she says would be "inspired by Romeo and Juliet, but not a tragedy"
[note: I think this title is a mangling of something she heard in some cartoon, but I like it]

There's No Such Thing

"You're the worst ever. Actually, I love you."

"You're done peeing."
No I'm not.
"There's no such thing as a silent pee, you know."

[after passing by a hospital room with a baby in it]
"I saw the baby just being born. I put blessings on the baby. I kissed it and embraced it and wished it the longest life ever. I wished it to live as long as Pete Seeger, or even longer, and I put much health upon it."